When Old Patterns Return: A Chance to Choose Again
You’ve done the work. You’ve been in therapy. You’ve meditated, journaled, reflected… So why does that same old pattern keep showing up?
Why do you still find yourself shutting down when things get hard… Or over-explaining when someone’s upset… Or chasing validation in ways that no longer feel true to you? It’s frustrating. And if you’ve ever had that moment of thinking, “I thought I healed this…” you’re not alone.
And there’s a reframe that I want to offer you:
The return of a pattern doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re ready to choose differently.
It’s not here to take you backward. It’s here because you’re ready to respond differently this time.
Why Old Patterns Return
Behavioral patterns, especially ones tied to trauma, aren’t random. They were built to help you survive.
People-pleasing might have kept the peace in a chaotic home. Shutting down might have protected you from emotional overwhelm. Perfectionism might have been the only way you felt safe or seen. So when these behaviors return, it’s not because you’re regressing, it’s because your nervous system is detecting something familiar and reaching for what once worked.
The difference now is: You have awareness. You’re noticing the pattern. And once you notice, you can begin to relate to it differently.
The Three Phases of Pattern Awareness
1. Recognize it.
Start by identifying the moments when something feels off, familiar, or automatic. Ask yourself things like:
What emotion am I feeling right now?
Where or when have I felt this before?
Is this a reaction I’ve outgrown?
Even just pausing to name the pattern is a powerful disruption.
2. Relate to it with compassion.
Instead of spiraling into shame, soften into understanding. Remember:
“This was once how I stayed safe.”
“I’m noticing this now, and that means I’m growing.”
You’re not wrong for how you’ve coped, you’re just ready for something more aligned.
3. Respond with intention.
Once you’ve recognized and softened toward the pattern, you can make a small but sacred shift:
Take a breath.
Walk away from the trigger.
Speak a truth instead of staying silent.
Say no instead of folding.
What’s important here? It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be yours.
A Practice to Anchor Into
Here’s a simple tool you can return to anytime a pattern resurfaces:
Self-Check-In:
What am I noticing in my body or mind right now?
Where might this be coming from?
What do I actually need?
What’s one small act of self-loyalty I can choose?
And if nothing else, speak this mantra aloud: “This is a signal, not a sentence.”
You’re not doomed to repeat it. You’re ready to change it.
Final Thought
Growth doesn’t always feel like progress. Sometimes it feels like seeing an old wound in a new light. But that right there? That’s evolution.
So if something’s rising in you again, try meeting it with compassion. Not punishment. Because you’re not backsliding… You’re remembering who you are, choice by choice.
P.S. This week’s episode of Ride Your Tide dives deeper into this reframe, with real-world tools to help you shift from reaction to response.
Listen to Episode #051: When Old Patterns Return: A Chance to Choose Again
Sending you peace, love, and compassion,
~ Austen 🫶🏼
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