No Traffic in Your Lane: Why Owning Your Uniqueness Leads to Peace
We live in a time where everyone’s lane starts to look the same. Pursue this, achieve that, strive for those, and on and on it goes… Then, look at social media and what that’s doing to us… Scroll through your feed and it’s déjà vu; the same trends, the same audio clips, the same advice packaged in slightly different fonts.
There’s a reason for that… Humans are wired for belonging, and our nervous systems can feel safest when we blend in.
If you’ve spent any amount of time in survival mode after trauma, that pull to blend in is even stronger. It’s the mind, and body’s, way of saying, “If I look and sound like everyone else, I’ll be safe.”
The problem? Blending in might feel safe, but it keeps us stuck.
The Safety Trap of Blending In
When you’re in survival mode, fitting in feels like protection. You avoid the risk of judgment, rejection, or failure by keeping yourself inside the lines. The herd mentality says, “Don’t make waves, just go with the flow.”
But the cost is high. You lose your quirks. You mute your preferences. You silence the parts of you that don’t fit the mold which are the exact parts that hold the key to your joy, creativity, and peace.
Why Authenticity Is a Healing Practice… Eventually
Authenticity isn’t just a personality trait, it’s an act of nervous system regulation… Eventually. At first, stepping into your truth may not feel so safe, because you’re challenging what years of survival mode has baked into place. But every time you choose to act, speak, or create in a way that’s true to you, you send a powerful signal to your body: “It’s safe to be me.”
Over time, those choices build trust… Trust that you can handle being seen, trust that your truth won’t destroy your belonging, and trust that you don’t have to perform to be worthy. Again, this won’t happen overnight, but with each instance of honoring yourself, your nervous system will learn after witnessing the other side, that safety in truth is possible.
Your lane is where this happens. And it’s not about being flashy or “different for the sake of being different.” Your lane is simply the place where you move in alignment with your values, preferences, and natural rhythms, without the constant comparison or competition that comes from looking sideways.
Merging Back Into Your Lane
Sometimes, the hardest part isn’t knowing where your lane is… it’s actually moving into it. If you’ve been running on autopilot, you may notice that you’ve been stuck in a lane that feels like it’s crowded with “rush hour traffic”:
Comparison: constantly measuring yourself against others’ progress or style.
Overconsumption: filling your mind with so much input that your own ideas never surface.
Shoulds: the unspoken rules about how you “should” live, work, or heal.
Sound familiar? If any of this does, you may also notice that it feels like you’re just sitting idle… And honestly, there’s some truth to that. When we live in a way that blends, we don’t allow our uniqueness to be witnessed. We don’t allow for our natural behavior to come forward, and when we restrict ourselves like this, we don’t allow our people, our communities, our joy, our creativity, or our peace to be discovered. So, we can be left feeling like we’ve just been existing on a loop: “Be like them, follow this trend, achieve that milestone, be happy… but wait, why am I not happy?”
Merging back into your lane is about removing the hold that these distractions have so you can see the open road ahead, and trust yourself to drive it. So how can we do this?
A Simple Exercise to Find Your Way Back
If you’re feeling stuck, try this:
Write down three things you do only because someone else expects it.
This could be a habit, commitment, or way of presenting yourself that doesn’t actually feel like you.Write down three things you’ve been avoiding that feel like you… the real you.
These are the on-ramps back to your lane, the places where your authentic self is waiting for you.
The contrast between the two lists will show you exactly where you’ve drifted into someone else’s life, and where you can start driving your own path again.
Your Lane Is Waiting
When you’re in your lane, there’s no competition and no comparison… just forward motion at your own pace. It’s quieter there, calmer, and more sustainable.
You’ll still put in effort, but it’s no longer about proving yourself or keeping up. It’s about tending to what matters to you. And that’s what allows us to finally achieve real peace.
So this week, take one action, big or small, that is purely for your true self. Then, watch what happens when you start driving in a lane that’s wide open.
If This Resonated
If this spoke to you, I dive deeper into this topic in two ways that you can participate in:
Whichever route you choose, I send you nothing but positive energy and wish you all the peace in the world.
Thank you for being here.
~ Austen 🫶🏼
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