The Power of Personal Advocacy: Learning to Stand Up for Your Needs After Trauma
We don’t often talk about how exhausting it can be to carry unspoken needs. For those of us who grew up in trauma, we may have learned early on that it wasn’t safe to speak up. Maybe our feelings were brushed aside. Maybe we were told we were “too much.” Maybe we were ignored altogether.
At first, that silence feels like survival. But over time, it takes a toll. When we stop advocating for ourselves, it doesn’t just affect our voice, it affects our nervous system, our mental health, our physical health, our relationships, and our ability to make empowered choices.
I know this first-hand. Years ago, I lived with an old collarbone injury that had been dismissed for years. Family and peers brushed it off as “that teen injury.” But the pain grew worse until it was unbearable. At 27, I had lost my job, been evicted, was sleeping in my car, and on top of all that, I was in excruciating pain every single day.
It would have been easy to give up. To accept that my pain didn’t matter. But something inside me said: no. My pain was valid. My needs mattered. And if no one else would fight for me, I had to fight for myself.
I spent months researching doctors across the country until I found a clinic in Colorado that specialized in my rare injury. I signed up for one month of insurance, spent my last dollars on a flight, an Airbnb, a rental car, and a co-pay, and showed up for surgery with nothing left to give except my determination.
When I woke from anesthesia, the first words out of my mouth were: “Thank you.” Because I already knew: the pain that had haunted me for years had finally lifted. The recovery that followed was brutal, doing physical therapy in gas station bathrooms, sleeping in my car during Wisconsin winters, struggling to find food and work, but I felt free because I had finally advocated for myself.
That moment taught me something I will never forget: advocacy is liberation.
Why We Struggle to Advocate
When our needs were dismissed in the past, our nervous system often internalized that dismissal as truth and we adapted to a new way of living: “I’m not worth fighting for. I’m a burden.” But that’s a lie. The truth is, your needs are valid and they always were.
What silencing does is keep us trapped in survival mode: anxious, overextended, afraid to disappoint, constantly on edge. Advocacy, on the other hand, finally sets us free. It tells the nervous system: “I’m here now and I’ve got me.”
How to Begin Practicing Personal Advocacy
Advocacy doesn’t have to mean big, life-altering decisions. It can start with the smallest of acts.
Pause. Notice when you’re about to silence yourself with phrases like, “It’s fine,” or “Don’t worry about me,” or “I’m good.”
Name It. Say out loud, even if just to yourself: “This ___ matters to me,” because naming the need unlocks your voice.
Act Small. Advocacy is built through practice. Ask for help with something minor. Say no to something that drains you. Book that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off.
Affirm. End each act by telling yourself: “My needs are valid. I am worthy of care.”
Over time, these small moments add up and your nervous system begins to trust that you’re safe to be heard. And that trust is what moves you from survival mode into conscious living.
Reflection Prompt
As you move through your daily interactions, ask yourself the following questions to see where you might be able to implement more personal advocacy:
Where in your life right now are you silencing your needs? (be honest with yourself)
What would one act of advocacy look like based on this? (it can be the smallest of things)
You’re Not Being Selfish
The lesson I’ll never forget: Advocating for yourself isn’t selfish. It’s part of how you reclaim your voice. And when you choose to honor your needs, you open the door to a life of unapologetic self acknowledgement. So just remember… Your needs are not a burden. They’re the compass that will guide you back to yourself.
If This Resonated
If this spoke to you on any level, you can dive deeper with me in the following 3 ways:
Whichever you choose, I’m grateful that you’re here and I hope you’re able to tap deeper into your authentic voice, because: Your. Needs. Matter.
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