Stop Holding On to What’s Holding You Back: Breaking the Spell of Familiarity
We’ve all heard the phrase, “It no longer serves me.” It sounds clean. Empowered. Evolved. But what does it actually look and feel like when you’re still in the thing that no longer serves you?
That space, the space between recognizing what’s outdated and actually releasing it, is where most of us quietly struggle. Not because we’re unaware, but because we’re wired to stay where it feels familiar.
Familiar Doesn’t Mean Aligned
Let’s face it, we’re creatures of habit. Our brains seek predictability, our nervous systems crave safety, and sometimes, the pattern that’s burning us out is the same one keeping us regulated.
But here’s the thing: Just because something feels known… doesn’t mean it’s true anymore.
And if we want to live in alignment, we have to start challenging the default path. The job we’ve stayed in too long, the coping mechanism that no longer soothes us, the relationship that once felt like home but now feels tight. These are all prime examples of how we often stay in pattern simply because it provides us with certainty, even if that certainty is unhealthy.
The Nervous System & Why We Stay Too Long
This isn’t a mindset issue… It’s not self-sabotage… It’s biology.
The subconscious prioritizes survival over expansion. Which means anything new, even something healing, can feel threatening. From there, it might feel like your body is protecting you, but in reality it’s keeping you in something you’ve outgrown.
So how do we know that it’s time to let go of something? Well, take notice of one thing: sensation. What do I mean? When you’re moving through everyday life, notice how things make you feel. Certain environments, certain people, certain interactions, patterns or beliefs. Do you feel a quiet pull? A tiny voice saying “hey, this isn’t you.”
If that even remotely sounds like something you experience, then there’s likely something ready to be removed.
3 Reflective Questions to Identify What’s Ready to Be Released
You don’t have to make massive changes overnight. Start here, with some simple quesitons:
Where in your life do you feel consistently drained, resentful, or tight? Get specific. Think about a relationship, environment, habit, or even a tone of voice you use with yourself.
Are you saying yes to this because it aligns… or because it’s familiar? Challenge the comfort zone. Ask yourself, “Would I choose this again today if I consciously felt into it beforehand?”
What would it look like to choose alignment instead? Write it out. Daydream it. Name what feels more like you. This is how we start to call in what’s honest to us.
When we’ve identified what needs to be released, how can we actually let it go?
Conscious Release: A 3-Step Practice You Can Begin Today
Letting go doesn’t need to be abrupt. In fact, when we slow it down, we’re more likely to create lasting change. So give this try:
1. Awareness
Tool: Spotlight Journaling
Take 5–10 minutes. Choose one area that feels off. Write freely about what’s happening, how you feel, and what you wish felt different.
Don’t judge it. Don’t fix it. Just bring it into the light.
Example prompt: “If I stopped pretending this was okay, I’d admit that…”
2. Acceptance
Tool: Compassionate Reframing
Say to yourself: “This served me once. It kept me safe, soothed me, or helped me cope. But I’ve outgrown it.”
Let yourself grieve the release.
You can also write a goodbye letter to the pattern, person, or behavior, expressing both gratitude and closure.
Acceptance doesn’t mean liking the discomfort. It just means honoring the season you’re in now.
3. Action
Tool: Reverse Mapping Exercise
First, name your vision: What do I want to feel instead? How do I want to show up?
Next, ask: What small choice can I make today that supports that version of me?
Keep it simple:
Saying no to a draining plan
Speaking more gently to yourself
Turning off your phone for an hour
Trying something you’ve avoided out of fear
Action doesn’t have to be a massive leap. It just has to be an honest step. And once we’ve begun to take these steps, how do we then teach ourselves that we’re safe to be doing so?
Recalibrating Safety: Teaching Your Body That Alignment Is Safe
It’s normal for new behaviors, even aligned ones, to feel shaky at first. Your nervous system may read them as risky simply because they’re unfamiliar.
To regulate through that, give this a try:
Daily Regulation Ritual:
Sit, lie down, or stand in a place that means something to you. Take slow, deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Repeat a statement that reflects your new embodiment. Example: Let’s say you’ve felt increasingly reactive in triggering situations and you yearn to embody calm. You can say something like: “I am calm. I am peaceful. I am relaxed.”
Visualize yourself responding from that place. When we visualize the embodiment, and combine that with statements of recalibration, we are essentially teaching our nervous systems that we are indeed safe to be who we desire, not who we were previously conditioned to be.
With time, your system will learn that it’s safe to be aligned and that clarity doesn’t have to feel threatening.
Remember:
You’re healing… and healing takes honesty, patience, and practice. There can be this initial urge to rush through the process because we’re eager to experience this new way of living, but meaningful change takes time. When we remember that, we can slow down, take our time with our discoveries, and solidify the embodiment of our honest life.
Letting go isn’t abandonment. It’s reclamation.
Sending you all my love,
~ Austen 🫶🏼
If This Resonated:
If this spoke to you, I dive into this in more detail on this week’s episode of the podcast, Ride Your Tide, #053: Stop Holding On to What’s Holding You Back: Breaking the Spell of Familiarity ~ On all platforms 🎙️
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